


Finding Your Heart in Christmas

by bellarkeness



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bellarke Secret Santa, Christmas fic, F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 02:12:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17133101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellarkeness/pseuds/bellarkeness
Summary: Clarke could feel herself becoming someone that she didn't recognize. She moved through the motions of the day to day not finding the happiness that she craved. In a moment of clarity or pure insanity she decides to change it all hoping to find herself but what she didn't count on was finding Bellamy Blake.





	Finding Your Heart in Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> For loveisalwayswise. Merry Christmas Beautiful!!! I hope that you enjoy this gift.

Clarke made her way down the graveled path that would lead her to the one person that she wanted to talk to most. She felt lost as she counted the steps from the car to the headstone marking her father’s grave. It had been a while since she had been there to talk to him, but this might be her last chance for the time being. She finally made it to the spot and laid the flowers she had brought with her on the ground.

“Hey, Dad,” Clarke said, sitting down beside the stone that bore his name. “I have some news for you.”

Clarke went on to tell him that she had quit her job at the law firm because she just didn’t feel passion for it anymore. She explained that Mom had stopped all their traditions over the last couple of years, turning more to her work than the home they had created. Clarke told him of her grand plan to toss a dart into a map and move to that spot in the States. She wanted to change her surroundings and find her passion again.

“I miss you, Dad. This isn’t goodbye, just farewell for now.”

Clarke brought two of her fingers to her lips and pressed them to her father’s name carved in the granite. She took a deep breath, letting a few tears slide down her cheek as she walked away from the site. She grabbed her phone to check the time, noticing the missed calls from her mother. Judging by the amount, her mother had heard of her decision by now. She swiped right on the notification and waited for it to connect her to Dr. Griffin.

“Mother.”

“Clarke, have you lost your mind!?” Abby practically screamed into the receiver. 

“No. I can assure you I am perfectly sane,” she retorted.“I quit the law firm and I’m going to move somewhere. Just not sure where,”Clarke added as an afterthought.

“Why would you do that?” 

“I’m just not happy here anymore,” Clarke started. “Not since Dad passed away.”

“Clarke, you’re being ridiculous,” Abby stated, her voice taking on a condescending tone. “You’re going to regret doing this.”

“Maybe, but I think that it is my mistake to make.”

Clarke didn’t wait for her mother to finish as she pushed the end button on the call. She didn’t need to hear anymore of her mother’s negativity. She was going to go through with this. She needed something to give and nothing was going to, if she didn’t make a change. She started to make a list in her head of all the things that she still needed to do, before she was able to leave this town. She pulled out her phone and sent a quick text to Raven to come help her pack and possibly reassure her she isn’t insane.

* * *

Clarke packed up the last box, stacking it next to the others. She turned to her best friend, who surprisingly agreed with her decision. She watched Raven study the map she had gotten from bookstore, as if the answer to everything would magically appear on the glossy replica of the U. S. 

“Did you bring them?” Clarke asked, coming to stand next to her. She was starting to feel the apprehension but knew she wasn’t going to back down. 

“Of course, I brought them. How else are you going to throw a dart, if I didn’t bring the darts!”

“I can always use a kitchen knife,” She laughed, nudging her shoulder against Raven’s. 

“Sometimes, I’m not too sure about you, Clarke,” Raven smirked, nudging her in return. “Let’s get this thing hung up before you lose your nerve.”

Clarke wanted to protest that she wasn’t going to lose anything, but changed her mind, as she hung up her half of the map. She took a few steps back to distance herself from the map and grabbed the darts from Raven’s waiting hand. Clarke took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, as she closed her eyes, tossing the first dart into the map. Her eyes popped open as the thud registered that she had made contact. 

“Where did it land?!” She shrieked, practically skipping to the map. “Where is my new home?”

“The middle of the Pacific Ocean,” Raven snorted, pulling the dart from the wall. “How about we try it again?...without closing our eyes this time.”

Clarke returned to the spot she threw the first dart from and took another deep breath. This time, she closed one eye and squinted the other as she threw the second dart. 

“Now where?”

“Middle of Lake Erie. While closer to land, not exactly the place you wanna spend the rest of your days.”

Clarke sighed, before taking another step back, away from her target. She shook out her hands, jumping in preparation a couple of times, hoping that she would be able to release the nerves. This was her last shot, before she just googled small towns in the USA. She took her aim once more and tossed the last dart. 

“Please tell me, I hit something worthwhile.”

“Telluride, Colorado,” Raven explained. “You finally hit your mark, Griffin.”

“Promise me that you will come visit me?”

“Oh, cause it’s that easy to get rid of me, Clarke? Raven asked. “I mean, if Finn couldn’t pull us apart, I doubt a few states will be able to do the job.”

Clarke couldn’t respond past the lump in her throat. She just rushed towards Raven and threw her arms around Raven’s slender frame. She knew that this wasn’t goodbye, but it didn’t make leaving any easier. 

“You’re my best friend and I’m going to miss the hell out of you.”

“Don’t go soft on me now, Clarke, pull yourself together,” Raven whispered against her ear, hugging her just a little bit tighter. “If you make me cry, I’ll kick your ass.”

Clarke laughed as she pulled away from her friend, quickly swiping at her eyes. “Okay, okay, let’s move on to place,” Clarke said, as she moved around Raven towards her computer. 

“Oh yes, let’s see what this small town has to offer.”

Clarke and Raven spent the better part of the night searching for places that would be available for her to rent. There wasn’t much that she could choose from, certainly not as nice as New York, but she wasn’t sure there was such a place. She was able to settle on a room for rent at a farmhouse, well within her budget and would allow her time to find a new job. This was the start of something great. She could just feel that it was the right decision, in spite of what her mother thought. She felt that it was going to be perfect.

* * *

Bellamy ran his fingers through his hair for the millionth time. He was attempting to make the budget work for the month and was failing miserably. At the rate they were going, he would have to do layoffs before Christmas, putting everyone in a tight spot. He sighed heavily, trying to think of something he could do to make the budget work. His computer dinged, alerting him to a new email in his inbox. He set the budget aside and opened it. 

_Dear Mr. Blake,_

_I am responding to the ad of a room for rent at your farm. I am moving to the area soon and I am in need of a place to stay. If the room is still available, I can send a deposit to hold the room for me. If it’s not available, please disregard my email. Thank you in advance._

_Sincerely,_

_C. Griffin_

Bellamy read the email a few times, confused as to what ad and where this person got it. He never took out an ad for a room here. Just as he reached for his phone to call his sister, the thing went off. 

“Octavia,” Bellamy answered. 

“I take it you got the email already?”

“Yes, I received an email about a room for rent,” he responded, “Since when is there a room for rent here, O?”

“Listen Bellamy, before you freak out and get mad, I saw the notice on your desk,” Octavia started, in a rush, “I know you’re struggling more than you let on and I wanted to help.”

“Octavia…,”

“No, Bell, don’t ‘Octavia’ me. You can handle one tenant and get the added benefit of them paying.”

“And what happens if this person is a serial killer who murders me and buries me in the farm?”

“Well then I guess I won’t have to worry about selling the farm. No one will buy it if there is a murder there!” Octavia laughed, trying to lighten her brother’s mood just a little bit.

“You’re not as funny as you think you are, Octavia. You need to take the ad down and respond to this C. Griffin that there is no longer a room for rent.”

“Bellamy c’mon, this will be good for you and the farm!”

“No. End of discussion,” he said in the tone he used over the years to get her to listen. “Now when are you coming home?”

“That’s the thing, Bell, I’m not coming home this semester, and you need someone there with you,” Octavia stated. “So you’re just gonna have to deal with this person, because I already confirmed their rental and they will be there on Friday.”

“Fine, if you won’t cancel it, then I will.”

“Again, can’t do that one, because the first months rent has been deposited into your bank account as well as a security deposit.”

“Octavia Marie Blake!”

“Love you, Big Brother.”

Bellamy didn’t get to say another word, before he was met with the distinct sound of a dial tone. He was tempted to call his sister back and tell her that he was going to cancel the reservation, but something stopped him from completing that task. He looked over the email one last time. If Octavia wasn’t going to be coming home for the holidays, it might be nice to have someone here. Bellamy checked his account for the amount his sister had deposited and his eyes about popped out of his head. There had to be some mistake! No sane person would spend this for a single room for rent. He switched back to the email and wrote a response to the person.

_Dear C. Griffin,_

_There must be some mistake in the original posting that was listed for the room. There is no possible way that I could charge you this much for one room! When you arrive, we can negotiate a new price for the room. I am sorry for this mistake and look forward to seeing you on Friday._

_Sincerely,  
B. Blake_

Bellamy closed out of the browsers and shut the computer down. He started to compile a list of things he needed to do, before his guest arrived in a couple of days. He definitely needed to go grocery shopping for food that wasn’t microwaveable and somewhat healthier than what he had been eating recently. He looked at his watch and noticed that he still had a couple of hours to get things done before he had to be at the lot. He grabbed his things and headed for town, to run his errands before work.

* * *

Clarke waited at the baggage claim, for the luggage that she had packed, but most of her belongings had ended up in storage. There was no reason to drag them all with her, for the time being, if she was just renting a room. She saw her suitcase coming down the conveyor belt, grabbing it quickly, she made her way towards the exit. Mr. Blake should be waiting for her with a sign with her name on it. She made it to the escalator and spotted him immediately, she noticed that he wasn’t looking at the women, but the men coming down the arrival terminal.  
She rolled her eyes in annoyed amusement as she walked up to him.

“Mr. Blake, I presume.”

“C. Griffin?” He questioned, when she stopped in front of him.

“Clarke Griffin, nice to meet you,” Clarke said, thrusting her hand towards him in greeting. “I know not many women have this name, but my dad was a science nerd.”

“Sorry, I just assumed that you would be a guy.”

Clarke took him in, as she watched the heat flush in his cheeks. He had a spattering of freckles against his cheekbones, messy unruly curls, scruffy beard and soulful brown eyes. His handshake was firm, prompting her to appraise him again with a swift glance. She felt a flutter in her stomach, as she appreciated his muscular build. She assumed it was from working on whatever farm he owned. 

“You done checking me out?” Mr, Blake teased, as his mouth twisted up in a sly smile. “I mean, you can keep looking if you truly want to, but we might want to get out of here before traffic becomes a nightmare.”

“I wasn’t checking you out!” She retorted, as she started to follow him out of the airport. “How far do you live from here?”

“Telluride isn’t too far from here, I promise.”

Clarke quickly realized that Mr. Blake’s definition of not too far was vastly different than her own. She glanced at the clock, realizing that they had been in the car for almost an hour.

“Not too far, huh?”

“Sorry, I guess it would feel longer for you than it does for me,” Mr. Blake explained. “It shouldn’t be too much longer.”

“Mr. Blake--”

“Bellamy, you can call me Bellamy, I mean we are living together,” Bellamy said, smirking at her from the driver’s seat.

“Well, Bellamy, we have been on the road for almost an hour. I think we have passed the point of close.”

“Just enjoy the scenery, Princess.”

Clarke wanted to protest with logic about how close they were or not, but clearly, they had different views on the matter. She turned her head to watch the snow dance across the landscape. She had to admit that it was beautiful and picturesque, she could already feel her fingers itching to draw a snowy scene. 

“So where are you from?” Bellamy asked. “The email didn’t exactly give a lot of information.”

“I’m from New York. Did you grow up in Telluride?”

“Born and raised with my sister. We, uh, have a tree farm that I manage and she is away at school.”

“What kind of tree farm?”

“A Christmas tree farm that supplies fresh, real trees to the town and surrounding areas,” Bellamy explained, glancing over at her. “It’s one hell of a place to be at during this time.”

Clarke whipped her head in his direction, confusion taking over her features, as her heart started to race. “What do you mean?” She couldn’t have possibly picked a place that went crazy for the holiday. Her home went all out for Christmas and that was part of why she left it, nothing was the same since her father died.

“Oh, the town is decorated in various festive decorations. I don’t think that there is a house that isn’t lit up or a tree undecorated. I know they have a large Christmas tree in New York…,”

Clarke could feel herself start to hyperventilate as his explanation began to fade against the pounding in her ears. She couldn’t be hearing him correctly, but as she turned her face to the windshield, she knew that he was serious. The town came into view, as the lights flickered against the snow, in varying colors of lights. She was stunned into complete silence, as everything became clearer the closer they got. 

“Beautiful, isn’t it?”

Clarke couldn’t form a response to his question as she continued to freak out. It wasn’t that she hated Christmas, it just had the unfortunate reminder of all the things that she had lost. The lights started to blur as tears filled her eyes, but she held them back from falling. She couldn’t break down now, not with a stranger sitting next to her.

* * *

Bellamy noticed the immediate change in the woman who was riding shotgun in his truck. He couldn’t tell if the unshed tears he saw in her eyes were from joy or sadness. He chanced another glance at her stiff form as she held the center console of the truck in a white knuckled grip. He was pretty sure that her tears were not those of joy. 

“Are you okay?”

“This town is nothing but Christmas!”

“Well, there are a couple of places that aren’t decorated yet but they’ll get there,” Bellamy jokes, hoping to lighten the mood that had descended in the truck. “I mean, I just haven’t had the time.”

Bellamy didn’t feel the tension in his passenger change at all, if anything, it had gotten worse as they drove through the town. He wasn’t sure what exactly her issue was, but something had changed since entering Telluride. 

“I just didn’t realize, umm, the extent of Christmas that would be here.”

“Small town...Christmas time...did you really expect something different?”

“I don’t know what I was expecting, to be honest,” Clarke started. “I picked this place from throwing a dart at a map.”

“You did what?!” Bellamy nearly yelled. This woman couldn’t have possibly just thrown a dart at a map and decided it would be a good place to live. She would have to be completely insane, maybe his idea of her being a serial killer wasn’t so far fetched after all. 

“Actually, this was the third throw, the first two were just bodies of water.”

“Are you insane? Or a maniac? Or a serial killer? I don’t really want to die,” He rattled off the questions in quick succession, as he turned into the driveway. 

“I am none of those things, I promise.” 

“You’re gonna have to tell me more once we get you settled into the house,” Bellamy said. He needed to know the story of how a random dart brought her here. 

Bellamy stopped the truck in front of the house and turned the ignition off. He knew it wasn’t much to look at when you compared it to other houses, but it was where he called home. He got out of the truck, grabbing her luggage, before heading to the front door. He quickly unlocked the door, motioning for her to follow him.

“Home, Sweet, Home” Bellamy said, gesturing with his arms to the space around them. “Your room is this way.”

Bellamy gave her a tour of the house, showing her the different rooms, not that there were many, but it was enough for him. He watched her eyes light up as they connected with the fireplace in the living room. He made his way over to the bedroom that would be hers.

“Here you are, I will let you get settled and then you’re going to tell me all about the darts,” he said, opening the door for her. “I think we will have spaghetti for dinner...any objections?”

“No, that sounds wonderful, thank you,” Clarke said shyly, as she entered her room without looking back to him. She quickly shut the door, leaving him alone in the quiet hallway. 

“I’ll call you when dinner is done,” He called out to her, before turning and going to the kitchen. 

Bellamy had so many questions for his new guest, that he didn’t know where to even start with her. He quickly grabbed the stuff he needed to make dinner and set out to make spaghetti. He checked his phone and saw a new message from Octavia. He responded to her question and told her that he would call later to explain his new roommate. He put his phone away and got started on dinner.

* * *

Clarke took in her surroundings with a heavy sigh, still not totally believing her luck. She had fled the city because everywhere she went her father's ghost lingered in the shadows. Her mother had basically erased him from the house, turning to her work for comfort or detachment, she wasn’t really sure. Traditions that were built on joy and happiness fell to the wayside as her mom ignored her. Things that once meant so much to Clarke faded into the past like the memory of her father. She pulled out her phone, dialing the one person who could understand, hoping she wasn’t busy.

“Tell me all about your new home and your roommate, but make it grand so I can be happy for you.”

“Raven…,”Clarke choked out, releasing a sob she had been holding in since they arrived.

“What happened?” Raven asked, immediately on edge at the distress in her friend’s voice. “Who do I have to kill?”

“The town of Telluride,” Clarke whispered against the phone’s receiver, “I’m in Holly Jolly Hell.” 

Clarke purged all of the feelings that had taken a hold of her when she first entered the town. She let out a deep sigh as she slid down the solid door behind her. She felt completely drained from the flight and the emotions coursing through her.

“I’m sorry, Clarke,” Raven said, after listening to her tell of the horrors. “Maybe give it a chance after the holiday is over you’ll fall in love with it?”

“I don’t have much of a choice. If I go running back, my mother will never let me hear the end of it.”

“I know, Clarke, but not everything is bad right? Tell me about your roommate.”

“He’s something out of a romance novel, Raven, as cheesy as that sounds,” she answered, taking comfort in her friend’s laughter on the other end. “He’s built like a Greek god, high cheekbones with freckles all over, unruly mess of curls, and deep brown eyes.”

“HA! See it’s not all bad. You’ve got a gorgeous roommate. Just don’t leave the farm and you’ll make it past the holidays.”

“Thank you, Raven,” she whispered, pushing herself up to stand. “I will call you back later. I need to unpack.”

“Yeah yeah yeah. I’m gonna go to bed now, bye Clarke.”

Clarke wished her friend a goodnight, before ending the phone call. She moved into the room, taking inventory of the place she now called home. It had a rustic looking bed and dressers, with a gorgeous antique vanity and there was a wardrobe in the corner. She quickly unpacked what she had brought with her, when the smell of something delicious filtered into her consciousness. She left her room following the aroma to where the kitchen was.

Clarke couldn’t suppress the groan that left her lips, as the music Bellamy was playing hit her ears. She doesn’t remember the last time that she had listened to Christmas music, but it grated on her already frazzled nerves. 

“Do we have to listen to that horrendous music?”

“You hate Christmas music?” Bellamy asked, turning to face her directly.

“Absolutely.”

“Who hurt you, Clarke?” Bellamy attempted to joke, unaware of how close he was to the truth.

“Let’s just say it’s better left in the past.”

“You’re a strange one,” Bellamy said, handing her a plate of spaghetti. “Let’s eat and you can tell me more about how you decided to come to Telluride.”

Clarke took the plate from his hands and moved towards the table in the corner. She watched him put his plate down before going back to the kitchen for a bottle of red wine. She smiled softly at the care he took into making dinner. 

“So about those darts?” 

Clarke felt a blush creep across her cheeks as she remembered exactly how she came to the decision of Telluride, Colorado. She finished her story and couldn’t help the bubble of laughter that spilled from her at the look of pure shock on his face. His hand was poised mid air with a mouthful of spaghetti dangling off of the end

“Wow, just, uh wow,” Bellamy exclaimed, regaining the ability to speak. “So what prompted the need to move?”

“I just needed a change from the life I was living,” Clarke said, avoiding his watchful eyes.

“I will get it out of you eventually, Clarke, just like the reason behind you being the Grinch.”

“I am not!” Clarke denied snapping her eyes up to meet his and saw the laughter dancing behind them. He was teasing her and she couldn’t help but smile back at him. She felt as though she could breathe a little easier than she had a few hours ago. 

“I will clean up since you cooked.”

“No it’s okay. I will go start a fire and you can relax. I’m sure traveling all the way from New York is tiring.”

Clarke smiled warmly at him, following him into the living room and watching him start a fire. She sat down on the far end of the couch, curling her legs under her and sighing, as the warmth of the fire started to build. The last thing she remembers before drifting off is Bellamy’s back as he returned to the kitchen.

* * *

Bellamy assessed the kitchen quickly, making sure that nothing was missed before he went to check on Clarke. The sight that greeted him made his stomach clench with a somewhat strange sensation he hadn’t felt since Gina. Maybe her insanity was rubbing off on him for feeling anything for someone he had known less than a day. He watched the firelight dance across her golden skin and light up her hair in a way that made it look like spun gold. 

Bellamy walked over to the bookshelf, pulling one of his favorites from the shelf, and a blanket from the back of the couch. He covered Clarke before sitting down at the other end of the couch. Her soft breathing was comforting to him as he picked a random page to start reading to pass the time until she woke up. It wasn’t long before she stretched out tucking her feet underneath his thighs. He just shook his head and pulled the blanket down to cover her feet.

Bellamy felt his phone start vibrating against his leg and looked at the time, instantly knowing who it was calling him. He quietly slipped off the couch and headed for the other room so that he didn’t disturb his guest by answering his phone.

“Finally have the courage to call me back?”

“How’s your new roomie?” Octavia asked, ignoring his question.

“Well, good news is she isn’t a serial killer, bad news is she may be partially insane,” Bellamy started. “She picked Telluride from throwing a dart at the wall and she is probably the Grinch in disguise.”

“Oh she can’t be that bad, Bell...is she pretty?”

“I don’t think that really matters, O.” He deflected, running a hand through his hair. Bellamy didn’t need to get into this with his sister, who was constantly trying to set him up. “And have you lost your mind about rent for that room?” He asked to change the subject.

“It is a reasonable rate, cheaper than if she went somewhere else, and it will help with the mortgage,” Octavia stated matter of factly, like she had been snooping through his office.

“Octavia, I don’t need help with that right now. Things are just a little slow at the start of the season, it will pick up soon.”

“Bellamy?” Clarke called sleepily.

“I gotta go, love you,” Bellamy quickly said as he pressed the end button. “Well good evening, Sleeping Beauty”

“How long have I been out?” Clarke asked as she rubbed her eyes.

“A couple of hours or so. I would’ve woke you up but you looked so peaceful, drooling all over the arm of the couch.”

“I did not!” Clarke exclaimed as she attempted to subtly wipe at the corners of her mouth. “I do not drool.” 

“Okay, I’m sorry it wasn’t drool, it was definitely the adorable little snores.”

“You’re the worst,” she accused, trying not to smile and failing. “What were you saying about rent?”

“Oh, uh, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about earlier but you fell asleep”

“What about it? I can pay more, if you need me to, but it was the cheapest place here.” Clarke offered, as she reached up to play with the ends of her hair.

“No, that’s not the case,” Bellamy started, feeling awkward with her offering to pay more. “I was actually going to lower it, because I feel that’s outrageous amount to pay.”

“Cheaper than New York.”

“Yeah I guess you’re right, but moving cost a lot too,” he explained. “I don’t want to make things unnecessarily hard on you.” 

“I’m sure that I will be fine paying what was agreed upon,” Clarke stated. “Besides it’s all set up electronically.”

“I’m going to kill her.”

“Now who’s the serial killer,” Clarke joked, laughing at the look on his face. “Know of any places that are hiring?”

“Umm, I don’t know but I can ask around,” he told her, with a slight shrug. “Unless you think you handle asking ‘Do you need help carrying that Christmas tree?’”

“Thank you, but I don’t think that is a good idea.”

“Are you sure you’re not the Grinch?” Bellamy asked, quickly dodging the hand that swiped out to smack his arm. “I mean, seriously, who hates Christmas?”

“Let it go, Bellamy,” Clarke spat out, attempting to put an edge to her tone.

“Oh c’mon, Princess, it’s literally the jolliest time of the year!” He teased, his smile nearly splitting his face at the scowl on hers. 

Clarke turned her face toward his as she let the next words fall from her lips. “My father died around Christmas, Bellamy, he died and my mother erased everything. No more Christmas decorations, or holiday traditions. Everything was replaced with cold detachment and avoidance,” she choked out as tears lined her eyes, threatening to fall down her face. “So, excuse me, if I can’t handle the jolliest time of year that brings me nothing but heartache.”

Bellamy stood there, shocked into silence at the confession he had unintentionally goaded out of her. He had been expecting something trivial, like a bad break up or she had been fired from a job, but not something like this. She hadn’t even been here a full twenty four hours before he screwed things up. He started to walk towards her door, but stopped himself before digging himself a deeper hole. He returned back to the living room to fold the blanket and put his book back on the shelf, before heading to bed. Maybe he would try to talk to her in the morning before work.

* * *

Clarke could hear Bellamy moving around the house, the next morning, but remained in her room. She wasn’t ready to face him after last night’s outburst. She still couldn’t believe that she had actually said all of that to him. There was just something about the way that he teased her that got her defenses up and made her want to scream. She heard the shuffle of feet come closer to her room, then stop, just before a small piece of paper was slid under the door. She got up quickly to read the note that he had slipped into her room.

_Clarke,  
I’m sorry for last night. I was hoping to talk to you before work but it looks like you’re not going to be coming out of your room. I will see you tonight and feel free to use anything in the house. It’s partially yours now, too. My number is 970-867-5309. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to use it._

_Bellamy_

Clarke wondered how exactly he knew that she was awake and hiding away from him in her room. She stared down at the words, hoping that they would give her an explanation to the situation that she now found herself. She practically word vomited pent up feelings and rage at him, that wasn’t fair but she didn’t know how to take it back. She thought about texting him, but changed her mind, because it wasn’t something that you dismissed with a text. 

Clarke left the room when she heard the truck leave down the driveway. She followed the beautiful scent of fresh coffee into the kitchen and smiled at the sight before her. Bellamy had been nice enough to cover a plate of breakfast and an empty cup next to the coffee maker. She poured herself a cup of coffee, looking in the fridge for cream or milk to add, and found real cream. She scurried over to the table, with all of her treasures, excited to finally have real cream instead of the skim milk her mother always bought for coffee. 

Clarke looked out the window at the snowy scene, before her, and took in the beauty of the stillness. It was as if nothing wanted to disturb the pristine picture. She felt that same itch, to draw her surroundings again, that she had when she first arrived. Clarke quickly finished her breakfast, before she lost the perfect lighting that she had from the sun dancing on the snow like diamonds. She grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and took up her seat at the table again and started to draw the picturesque scene.

“That is beautiful.”

Clarke screamed as her heart jumped into her throat at the sound of the voice behind her. “Jesus fuck,” she whispered, placing her hands over her heart to calm the staccato that it danced against her ribcage. “You scared me.”

“I’m sorry, I thought that you would’ve heard me,” Bellamy said, attempting and failing to keep the laughter from his tone. “I did yell that I was home.”

“I, uh, didn’t hear you come in,” Clarke started. “I must’ve been lost in my art...it happens when I concentrate too hard.”

“Look--”

“No, Bellamy, I need to say sorry for practically losing my shit last night, you didn’t deserve that.”

“I can still apologize in person. How was your day?” Bellamy asked, taking the seat across from her.

“Well, clearly, I didn’t do much but draw your backyard,” Clarke explained, sliding her sketchbook over to him. “I promise to job search tomorrow”

“Well, damn, if you’re this good, you might be able to teach art!” 

“I don’t have a teaching license, Bellamy.”

“Still an option, it doesn’t have to be at the school, but the community center,” Bellamy countered. “I know that they’re always looking for people to run things like that.”

“I will have to look. How was your day?” Clarke asked, changing the subject quickly. 

“It was good, we sold a few trees, but mostly maintained them for now,” Bellamy said. “What would you like for dinner tonight?”

“Anything you’re willing to cook, as long as I don’t have to help.”

“Why, Clarke Griffin, are you telling me you don’t know how to cook?” Bellamy mocked, with feigned astonishment.

“If you want me to burn the house down then I will gladly help,” Clarke stated, in all seriousness.

“I’ll cook, it’s fine...maybe I will teach you something while you’re here,” Bellamy offered, with a wink as he made his way into the kitchen. 

Clarke hummed in response, ignoring the way her heart fluttered at the wink he gave her. She shook her head, attempting to get a grip on her traitorous emotions, that have apparently gone rogue. She packed up her stuff to clear the table for whatever he was making for dinner, which smelled amazing. She set the table after finding the dishes with relative ease. She smiled softly, watching him work and had a feeling this was going to be good for her. He was going to be good for her. They both just needed time to adjust to each other.

* * *

Clarke attempted to find things to occupy her time while Bellamy was at work. She didn’t have a car of her own yet, so she was limited with how she could search for a job. She had filled out most of the applications for available positions that she qualified for and was still waiting on a response. She didn’t expect to get a response until after the new year, but it didn’t stop her from trying. She spent the rest of her time drawing and snooping through the library Bellamy had amassed in the house. She really wasn’t sure someone needed this many books on Roman history, but there were other classics hidden between the historical ones.

Clarke had finally made it to the bottom shelf of the book case, where she found the jackpot of home movies. They were all neatly labeled and put in alphabetical order. Clarke laughed a little at how meticulous Bellamy could be when it came to organization, even the kitchen had labels with specific places for everything. She decided to take a break from drawing and decided to pick a random video to watch, see what embarrassing things she could find to tease him.

Clarke closed her eyes, running her fingers along the edge of the shelf, picking the video she was going to watch at random. She didn’t read the label as she went over to the dvd player and popped the disc inside. Clarke found herself smiling as the sound of laughter filled the quiet house and young children filled the screen. Bellamy appeared, with a mess of curls, chasing another little girl, around the living room. She started laughing at the childish antics and didn’t realize her mistake until another voice asked about decorating the tree.

Clarke couldn’t bring herself to press the stop button on the remote as a miniature Bellamy started belting out a childish rendition of _Jingle Bells_. She found herself entranced as the little kids decorated the tree with homemade ornaments and construction paper chains. The kids sang and danced to the music playing softly in the background as their mom cheered them on off screen. Clarke could feel the tears silently streaming down her face as the movie continued to play. She jumped out of her skin as a hand landed on her shoulder. 

“You really have to stop that!” She yelled, turning her face up to him.

“What are you doing?” Bellamy asked, confusion written all over his face, as he watched the movie continue. 

“I found your stash of home movies and picked one at random,” Clarke rambled. “I couldn’t bring myself to shut it off when little you started singing _Jingle Bells_.”

“Do you make it a habit of snooping through people’s personal belongings?”

“Umm...I got bored?” She answered, shrugging softly. “It’s better entertainment than all the other horrible movies on tv.”

“It’s a happy time and yet you’re in tears, again,” Bellamy said, coming to sit next to her. “Are you okay?”

“I am something,” Clarke began.“It’s been years since I experienced the joy you guys have here.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Clarke stared at him for a moment, watching the firelight dance across his cheeks. She took a deep breath to steady her frazzled nerves. She gave him a soft smile and felt tears starting to build behind her eyes as she started a story that broke a piece of her she wasn’t sure could be fixed.

“My dad was this person who saw the good in everyone, regardless of their past. He loved with everything he had and all that was him. His favorite time of year was the Christmas season: the winter wonderland, decorations, and the holiday music. We had so many traditions that I swear the entire month of December was booked as an activity. We decorated the house and the yard with decorations that would rival Clark Griswold.”

“Wait, is that who you’re named after?” Bellamy laughed out as he reached over to intertwine his hand with hers .

Clarke paused,staring at their hands, pressed together laying on the space between them on the couch. She drew comfort from his quiet strength and began again.

“Anyway, he had this way about him that would light up the world around him. He was coming home from getting a stupid decoration that I just _had_ to have, when a truck driver fell asleep at the wheel. The driver crossed the lanes and my dad never stood a chance. In the blink of an eye, the greatest man I have ever known was gone.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Clarke,” Bellamy said, squeezing her hand tighter. “You have to know that and he wouldn’t think that either.”

Clarke felt herself losing it as a sob ripped from her throat, constricting her chest as she heaved out the pain. She didn’t resist being pulled into Bellamy’s arms as she cried for the father she had lost and the years she spent blaming herself. She wasn’t sure how much time had passed before the tears dried and she was able to continue.

“My mom didn’t outright tell me that she blamed me, but she thought it was best to take everything of him away. I don’t know if it was her way of coping, but she made it as though he never existed. No more holiday activities or decorations for the house. She turned to her work at the hospital and I was left on my own with nothing more than a cold, empty house.”

“I’m sorry,” Bellamy whispered against the top of her head. “You didn’t deserve any of that from her.”

“It was like I lost him the day of the accident and then I lost her the day we put him in the ground.”

Clarke felt like she could breath a bit easier, after telling someone the truth of what she had kept hidden for so long. Raven didn’t even know the full extent of the guilt she felt over her dad’s death and her mother’s blame. She chose to ignore it but now she knows it did nothing more than slowly eat away at her. She felt herself snuggle closer to the warmth of Bellamy’s chest, allowing herself to drift off as she listened to the rhythmic sound of his breathing.

* * *

Bellamy sat there with a sleeping Clarke on his chest, knowing that he should probably wake her, but couldn’t bring himself to do it. He continued to run his fingers through her soft hair, turning his attention from her sleeping face back to the tv. He let out a heavy sigh, feeling his heart start to ache, as the dvd continued to play. It wouldn’t be long before it was over and his heart started to ache as the end came closer.

Bellamy pulled his phone from his pocket to call his sister. He wasn’t surprised that she didn’t answer her phone and he got her voicemail instead. He left her a quick message to call him back. There were definitely things that they needed to talk about and watching the old movies made him want to try to work on things again. He felt Clarke start to stir, pulling away from him, and he found that he missed the comfort of her.

“Did you sleep well, Princess?” Bellamy jokes, enjoying her disheveled appearance. 

“I’m sorry that I fell asleep. What did I miss?”

“Nothing much. The home movie is about to end, but don’t have to finish it,” Bellamy said, getting up to turn off the dvd player.

“No!” Clarke exclaimed, pulling him back down. “We can finish it and start another one, maybe with more of your beautiful singing voice,” she teased as she curled back into his side.

“There isn’t anymore after this one,” he whispered, avoiding her open gaze.

“What do you mean? It looks like you have plenty of traditions with your mom and sister.”

Bellamy just nodded in the direction of the tv as the scene played out before he could answer. He watched the brightly lit tree come into focus as the camera was placed on the stand. Octavia started dancing around and singing at the top of her lungs. He followed after her, pushing their mom in a wheelchair, as they attempted to be happy during their last Christmas together. He could feel the tears gently falling down his face as he remembered that night with perfect clarity. Neither him nor Octavia had it in them to take the joy of decorating the tree or singing horribly from their mom even though she should’ve been in bed. 

“What happened to her?” Clarke asked in a gentle voice, sitting up to look at him.

“She passed away the following week from cancer but we couldn’t take her last Christmas from her,” he whispered, eyes glued to the tv. “And Octavia hasn’t been home since.”

“Bellamy, I’m so sorry.” 

“She always says that she is coming, but when the time comes, she bails,” Bellamy explained. “I guess her renting out her room was her way of telling me she wasn’t coming again this year.”

“So you didn’t know about the room for rent?”

“Not until your email came through about wanting to rent the room,” Bellamy stated. “O is really good at avoidance and waiting until the last possible second so I can’t refuse.”

“Thank you, Bellamy.”

“For what?”

“For letting me stay even though it was just kind of dropped in your lap, for letting me cry on your shoulder, for helping me make peace with the past.”

“Anytime, Princess, anytime,” Bellamy said with a soft smile and a wink. “Now what do you say about getting something to eat?”

“Why don’t you make your favorite comfort dish?”

“How do you feel about grilled cheese and tomato soup?” He asked with a mischievous glint in his eye.

“Why do I feel like you’re plotting something?” Clarke asked, getting up from the couch to follow him into the kitchen. “Bellamy, answer me!”

“Just the best grilled cheese and homemade tomato soup you’ve ever had,” he told her with a shrug of his shoulders. “Maybe even some Christmas music if you’re up for it.”

“I think with the promise of food I can be persuaded.”

Bellamy felt the smile on his face stretch into a full grin as he turned on the small radio on the counter. He recognized the song _All I want for Christmas is You_ immediately as Mariah Carey’s melodic voice came through the speaker. He started getting to work on the soup and found himself bouncing around the kitchen, while lip syncing the lyrics. Bellamy would’ve felt ridiculous with anyone else watching, but the smile on Clarke’s face was enough to keep him going. The sadness that surrounded him during the holiday was starting to fade with her here. He only hoped that she felt the palpable joy same as he did.

* * *

Bellamy felt himself relax into a routine with Clarke and time seemed to disintegrate as the holiday approached. He knew that she was still looking for a job, but he found himself not wanting her to find a job that took her away from him. He shook his head at the errant thought and started opening the mail that piled up on his desk. 

Bellamy let out a heavy sigh as he pulled the past due notice from the envelope. He knew he was behind but the government was raising his property taxes again. At the rate they were rising, Bellamy figured he had a couple of years left at the farm. Unless a miracle happened, he would lose the only place he called home. He tossed the notice onto his desk, with a look of disgust, as the door squeaked and Clarke’s head poked inside.

“So….umm, I hate to ask, but are you ever going to put up a tree?”

Bellamy felt his mouth drop open in response to her question and the serious look on her face. He couldn’t believe that she had actually asked him about a tree. With her aversion to anything Christmas, it took him completely by surprise. She was one of the few people able to stun him into silence.

“Bellamy, did you hear me?” Clarke asked, coming fully into his office and making her way to the front of his desk.

“I did, Clarke, but I am at a loss for a response,” Bellamy started. “You just about have a panic attack coming into the town and cry anytime someone brings up Christmas.”

“You lost someone too, Bellamy, and yet you still love Christmas,” Clarke explained, looking down sheepishly. “It’s been years, since I got to decorate one. Puhlease, Bellamy?”

Bellamy shook his head in an attempt to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. “You sure you’re up for decorating a tree?” He asked. Rounding the desk, he came to a stop directly in front of her, watching as she turned her head up to meet his eyes.

“With you, absolutely.”

Bellamy stared into her blue eyes pleading with him to give into her request and he had to fight the urge to kiss her. He licked his lips, watching as her eyes trailed down to follow his movement, before quickly snapping back up to his eyes.

“Yeah, we can decorate a tree, Princess,” Bellamy whispered softly. “You wanna go pick one out?” He watched heat creep into her cheeks at the softness of his tone and shot her a crooked smile. Bellamy wasn’t the only one affected by their closeness. 

“Yeah, uh, I’ll go get ready.”

Bellamy followed her out of his office, watching as she practically skipped to her room. He laughed at the childlike demeanor that had taken over Clarke. It was almost like she was a completely different person. He gathered the things that they would need to bring a tree home and waited by the front door for her to finish getting her things. 

“I’m ready,” Clarke said, meeting him at the front door. “Let’s go get us a tree.”

Bellamy tried to hold back his laugh as she came to stand in front of him with a small bounce. She had the most ridiculous outfit on, that could only be described as a poorly put together female lumberjack outfit. 

“How long have you been planning this?” Bellamy asked, attempting to stifle his laughter.

“Why are you laughing at me?”

“Clarke, you’re dressed as a lady lumberjack,” Bellamy explained. “We are finding one Christmas tree not harvesting a forest!”

“I’m wearing a warm flannel shirt and a pair of jeans!” Clarke exclaimed. “It’s better than all the other clothes that I have packed.”

“C’mon, Mrs. Bunyan, let’s go find us a tree,” he said as he pulled a knitted hat over her head. “There that should complete the look!”

Bellamy bolted out of the front door and away from the smack Clarke was attempting to land on his arm. He ran out into the yard, listening to her foot falls, but he knew he could easily outrun her. Bellamy stopped short, turning to grab her around the waist and hoist her into the air. She screamed in surprise, but the laughter that followed was the sweetest sound he had heard in years. 

“ Put me down!” Clarke yelled as she attempted to wiggle out of his hold. 

Bellamy gently set her back on her own two feet, but didn’t remove his arms from around her waist. He felt her labored breathing against his chest, wondering if she could feel his heart racing with hers. Bellamy turned her to face him, bringing one hand up to gently caress her cheek, watching the excitement dance in her eyes. He felt the urge to kiss her again, but the snapping of a twig pulled his attention away.

“Clarke, look,” He whispered, turning her quietly to the sight before them. “Don’t move.”

Bellamy felt the quick intake of her breath as she took in the snow covered landscape and the mother deer with her two fawns. The family was a few feet away and seeming to not be afraid of humans as they weren’t frightened by the noise they made. It was a beautiful sight to see and he couldn’t think of anyone else he wanted to share it with other than her. He wasn’t sure how long they had stood there, cuddled against each other watching the deer, but the sun was starting to set and they were losing daylight.

“We better get going if we are going to find you that tree,” Bellamy said as he turned back towards the house to get the forgotten gear. “Alright let’s go.”

Bellamy kept a silent, casual pace next to Clarke, looking for the perfect tree. He wasn’t sure what had come over him earlier, but he was sure had the deer not come, he would’ve kissed her. He stole a glance at his silent companion and her face looked like she was in deep concentration.

“I’m sorry, Clarke,” Bellamy said, breaking the silence. “I, uh, didn’t--”

“That one!” Clarke shouted, cutting of whatever he was going to say. “There it is...the perfect tree.”

Bellamy turned to where she was pointing, shaking his head just a little, as she had picked out one of his favorite trees. It was a sturdy Douglas fir that was a beautiful shade of green, wonderful fragrance once indoors, and had strong branches for decorating. It was one of his best sellers. He made quick work of cutting down the tree, bundling the branches and preparing to drag it back to the house.

“Do you need help carrying that Christmas tree, sir?”

* * *

Clarke couldn’t stop the laughter that bubbled out of her as she asked him that same question from their first night together. She was trying to lighten the mood that had fallen on them since their almost kiss. She knew that he was about to apologize for it before she found that tree. Clarke didn’t mean to cut him off, but she wasn’t sure that she wanted to hear that apology, not when she was hoping he would kiss her. She finally met his eyes and the fire in them made her laughs die down.

“Care to actually help or are you just going to laugh the whole way home?” Bellamy asked, motioning to the top of the tree. “Anytime now, Princess.”

Clarke stood there, shocked for just a moment, she wasn’t sure if he was even aware of what he had just said, but she was very aware of it. She quickly reached down and gripped the top of the tree, trying to ignore the warm feeling in the pit of her stomach. She couldn’t get too attached to him, not when she was renting a room in his house. 

“I will make dinner, before we decorate, if that is okay with you?” Bellamy called back towards her. “I don’t know about you, but I’m starved.”

Clarke just hummed in response, lost in thought about the events of the last few hours and what it might mean for her or them. She was thinking she should call Raven while he made dinner. Maybe, she would have some advice for Clarke, that would help sort out her mixed feelings. The trip back to the house was a lot quicker than the one for the tree, before Clarke knew it, they were on the front porch.

“I will take this into the living room and start dinner.”

“I think I’m going to take a shower and clean up while you cook,” Clarke stated, before turning on her heel and booking it towards her room. She skidded to a stop, before passing the door. She slipped inside and pressed the door shut with a quiet click. 

Clarke took a deep breath, making an attempt to calm the nerves that were starting to build in her stomach. She went over to the nightstand next to her bed and picked up her phone. Glancing at the time, she dialed her best friend and prayed for her to answer.

“Well, hello there, stranger,” Raven greeted as she picked up the call. “How are you doing?”

“Worse than before,” Clarke started as she sat down on the edge of the bed. “I’m not even sure how that is even possible and yet here I am.”

“What’s wrong now?” 

“I may or may not have almost kissed my roommate,” Clarke mumbled, running a hand through her hair. “And I may or may not be disappointed that it didn’t happen.”

“CLARKE!” Raven screamed from the other end. “You need to explain yourself right the fuck now.”

“I don’t even know how it happened, Raven, one minute we are strangers and the next I’m purging all the guilt from my dad’s death to him in front of a fire.”

“You told him about your dad?” Raven asked in a quiet tone, understanding the seriousness of it. “Like all of it?”

“Yeah, everything. It was like once I started, I couldn’t stop,” Clarke explained. “Then he told me about his mom as we watched their last Christmas together, and how his sister hasn’t been home since.”

“Shared understanding of pain,” Raven stated. “It makes sense why you would feel a connection with him.”

“It’s more than that though. At least it feels like something more to me,” Clarke told her friend, sighing as she readjusted on the bed. “I think I’d miss him, even if we never met.”

“That’s some deep shit, Clarke,” Raven stated. “So what’re you gonna do about it?”

“That’s the question now, isn’t it?” 

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out, but I’ve gotta get back to work,” Raven said. “Love you!”

“Love you too,” Clarke replied before hanging up the phone. While she was still clueless as to what she could do about the thing between her and Bellamy, Clarke felt better about her feelings for him. She might not be in love with him, but she could see herself falling in love with him.

Clarke put her phone down, before gathering the things that she would need for a shower. She started the shower, waiting for a few minutes for the water to heat up, before stepping under the spray. She sighed in contentment, as the water warmed her skin and washed away the scent of pine from getting the tree. 

Clarke finished up her shower, knowing she had wasted enough time relaxing in the hot water and stepped out to towel off. She thought about what she was going to wear, for the first time, since coming to live here. She pulled out a royal blue oversized sweater with a pair of black leggings and dressed quickly. She walked over to the antique vanity in an attempt to style her hair. Settled on a half up with curls cascading over her shoulders and down her back, she took one last look at herself in the mirror, satisfied she went to find Bellamy.

Clarke could hear the music coming from the kitchen and her stomach growled at the delicious smell of food that assaulted her senses. She peered around the corner to watch him, while he danced around the kitchen in time with the music. He looked so carefree and young that she couldn’t help the smile that stretched across her face. 

“What’s for dinner tonight?” Clarke asked, laughing as Bellamy spun towards her, stopping in his tracks. “Please don’t stop on my account...I kinda enjoy the view.” Clarke watched as his cheeks flushed at her attempt to flirt with him. She walked over to the counter where she usually sat to watch him and jumped up to take her seat.

“Tuscan Chicken Pasta is what’s for dinner,” Bellamy answered as he put the finishing touches on dinner. “Let’s eat and then we can set up the tree.”

Clarke hopped off the counter, following him to the small table in the corner, she let a small gasp leave her as she took in the sight before her. The table was decorated with a beautiful red and black checkered table cloth, a white lace snowflake in the center with a poinsettia surrounded by candles. 

“Bellamy, this is beautiful,” Clarke whispered as she sat down across from him. “When did you do all this?”

“You take forever in the shower,” he said, not meeting her eyes, “I hope you like it.”

“I love it, Bellamy,” Clarke replied, feeling the heat creep into her cheeks. “It’s absolutely perfect.” Clarke watched the candle light make his freckles dance, smiling softly at him.

“About earlier…,” Bellamy trailed off unsure of where to start, shifting his eyes from hers, as the guilt from earlier continued to eat at him.

“Bellamy, look at me,” Clarke said, gently reaching for his hand on the table. She felt her heart stop at the conflicting emotions in his deep brown eyes. “We’re okay, I promise.”

Clarke wasn’t sure if her attempt to reassure him worked or not but he gave her a small smile in response. The rest of the dinner passed in a comfortable silence. Bellamy didn’t attempt to apologize again and Clarke didn’t question the change in his mood from brooding to content. They cleaned up the table and kitchen together before heading into the living room.

“Where do you usually put the tree?”

“We usually put it over there in the corner in front of the window away from the fireplace,” Bellamy said with a laugh and a wink. “I mean, we don’t need any fires in the house.”

“Alright then, let’s do this!”

* * *

Bellamy brought the radio from the kitchen into the living room to play some festive music while they decorated the tree. He found the perfect station that he knew would play nothing but Christmas music. He pulled the decorations out of the closet, setting them down in front of the tree, he wasn’t even sure where to start other than the lights. He looked over to see Clarke sitting on the edge of the couch, bouncing in the seat waiting, for him to set the decorations out.

“Are you sure you’re ready?”

“Bellamy!” Clarke whined out, jumping to pull the lights from the box. “You’re killing me with the anticipation.”

Bellamy laughed at her abrupt over enthusiastic nature, she was like a child finally old enough to help with the tree. He started to string the lights, rotating around the tree, as she placed them in a perfect space for optimal color. Bellamy handed her the bulbs watching her, as she danced around the tree, singing loudly with the music. He couldn’t keep the smile off of his face watching the delight on hers. 

“Do you want to put ribbon or tinsel on the branches?” Bellamy asked digging into the box. “I think we have some of both.”

“Let’s do ribbons, I think the tinsel might be too much.”

Bellamy started handing her the ribbons to put in empty spaces between the bulbs. He couldn’t take his eyes off her and the magic that seemed to take over her. She was glowing in the firelight, with the sparkling Christmas lights twinkling across her skin. He heard the radio change tempo as a new slower song started to play. 

“C’mere, Princess.” Bellamy said, pulling her away from the tree and into his arms as Frank Sinatra’s voice started to croon out _Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas_.

Bellamy began to sway them, in time, to the music as he held her closely. He turned his head a bit towards her and pressed his lips to the shell of her ear. He felt her shiver as she heard his voice matched to the rich, deep baritone of Frank. He closed his eyes, sang quietly to her, and hoped she couldn’t feel his heart pounding against his ribcage. 

Bellamy heard the song start to close and he stopped their swaying bodies. He slowly opened his eyes as Clarke pulled her head from against his chest. He brought one hand up to cradle her cheek in the palm of his hand. He watched her open her eyes, bringing those beautiful sapphires, to look directly into his as the need to kiss her overwhelmed him again. 

Bellamy heard her breath hitch, drawing his eyes to her parted lips. He wasn’t able to stop himself as he gently pressed his lips to hers. He traced her bottom lip, with the tip of his tongue, and felt her mouth open slightly. He took it as permission to deepen the kiss, tilting her head slightly and letting his tongue slide into her mouth. He could still taste hints of the red wine they had at dinner and something else, he was sure was uniquely her. 

“Clarke…,” he whispered against her mouth, nipping gently at her bottom lip, unable to finish his thought. Kissing her had felt like coming home and he wanted to do it again, but he wanted her to make the next move.

Bellamy felt her hands slide up his chest, gripping his hands that were cradling her face, pulling them away. He sighed, waiting for the rejection that he was sure to come from her mouth, that she was just looking for a way to let him down gently. She shocked him for what felt like the millionth time, as she pulled him away from the tree and down the hall. Bellamy couldn’t believe she felt the same way he was feeling and found himself grinning like a fool. He followed behind her to his bedroom, where she pulled him over the threshold. He shut the door behind them, forgetting everything but the beautiful woman with him.

* * *

Clarke felt an overwhelming heat scorching her back as she slowly woke up in a room she didn’t recognize. Her heart started to race before images of last night came flooding back to her consciousness. She smiled to herself, moving closer to the sleeping man holding her against his chest. She has no idea what she had been thinking, when she pulled him down the hall, other than wanting more from his devilish mouth.

“Good morning, Beautiful,” Bellamy said against her neck as he placed a gentle kiss to the spot just below her ear. 

Clarke just hummed in response, enjoying the feeling of his arms around her. She arched her back against him, stretching her arms above her head, molding her naked body against his. She laughed as he responded with a groan and a bite to her shoulder. 

“Ow!” Clarke cried out. “Bellamy I’m hungry.”

“You keep doing that and we won’t be leaving this bed.”

“But you have to go to work,” she said turning in his arms to face him. 

“I don’t have to go, if I’m the boss,” Bellamy said kissing the tip of her nose. “However, I do have some errands to run before everything closes tomorrow.”

Clarke felt panic starting to claw its way from the pit of her stomach and into her throat. She hadn’t even realized how close it had gotten to Christmas, until Bellamy mentioned the stores closing. She had contemplated getting him something, but she was still undecided about what he might like for a gift. 

“Can I come with you to work?”

“Thought you didn’t want to work at the lot,” Bellamy accused with a wink. “After yesterday, I’m not sure you’re cut out for it.”

“Hey! I helped you carry the tree,” she said shoving his shoulder. “But there are some things I meant to get before the stores were closed for the holiday.”

“Oh, yeah, you can come with me then,” Bellamy said as the realization appeared to dawn on him too. “Let’s get ready before we lose track of time again.”

Clarke reluctantly pulled herself from the warm haven of his arms, collecting her clothing they had tossed around the room. She could feel his eyes watching her move throughout his room as she found the last of her clothes. She turned to take one last look at him, naked in bed, before she took off to get ready. The sight before her took her breath away. He was sprawled out in bed, the sheet barely covering his hips, disheveled curls falling in different directions, but it was the hunger in his eyes that called to Clarke.

“See something you like?”

Clarke rolled her eyes as she kicked his jeans, from the night before, into his face before running from his room laughing. She could hear his disgruntled mumbling that only made her laugh harder. She quickly showered and dressed to head town with Bellamy. She left her room in search of him and found him waiting for her once again.

“You ready?” Bellamy asked reaching his hand towards hers and linking their fingers together. “Or do you want to kick more clothes into my face?”

“You big baby, get over it,” Clarke said before reaching up to kiss him on the cheek as she walked past him out the door. “Now let’s go before the shops close.”

* * *

Clarke couldn’t help the smile that stretched across her face as they made their way into town and she held hands with Bellamy. Her heart skipped a beat every time he would trace his thumb against her skin as though he couldn’t get enough of touching her. Clarke had a little time to think about what she could possibly get him for Christmas. She had a couple of things in mind, just wasn’t sure if she would be able to find them in town. 

“Where do you want to go first?” Bellamy asked as they reached the edge if town.

“Um, I think that I will just wander around downtown, if you don’t mind,” Clarke started. “I can call you when I’m done.” She watched a flash of disappointment flicker across his face, but he recovered quickly.

“Okay that’s fine. If I can’t come get you, I can always send Miller for you,” Bellamy said bringing her hand up to kiss the back of it. “If that happens, I will text you a picture of him”

“Thank you, Bellamy.”

Clarke didn’t wait for an answer, before sliding out of his truck and into the street. She looked in either direction before taking off down the street. She soon found this little antique shop that appeared to have everything inside the store. She quickly slipped inside, a small bell announcing her entrance into the small shop. Clarke walked down the first aisle that looked to be knick knacks made of porcelain, searching for something that would catch her eye.

“You’re new in town,” someone called from behind her. “What can I help you with?”

Clarke walked toward the back of the store, following the sound of the voice, coming face to face with a girl her age. “I am new and I don’t really know what I am looking for, but I want it to be special.” Clarke explained coming to stand in front of the cashier. 

“Tell me about the person that you’re looking for and maybe I can guide you.”

“Do you know Bellamy Blake?” Clarke asked assuming that the small town knew everyone.

“You’re the one living with Bellamy?” The girl asked, her mouth dropping open. “Renting Octavia’s room?

“Umm, yes, I moved here from New York and it was the cheapest place in town.” Clarke answered puzzled by her reaction. “Why is that strange?”

“Bellamy hasn’t had anyone living there since his mother passed away and O never came back home,” the girl explained. “He hasn’t even dated since Gina because things fell apart after everything.”

Clarke just stood there taking in the information that the girl was all too willing to provide. She hadn’t realized just how little she actually knew about Bellamy. She suddenly felt self conscious and exposed standing in front of the stranger. 

“I’m Harper, the girl who knows everything about everyone,” Harper said laughing as she extended her hand towards Clarke.

“Clarke Griffin, the girl living with Bellamy,” Clarke replied shaking Harper’s hand firmly.

“Now about that gift,” Harper said, conspiratorially, as she came around the counter. “Let’s see what we can find.”

Clarke walked around the store with Harper, looking at different items that she had to offer. She wasn’t finding anything that even remotely looked like something Bellamy would want or need. She was getting more and more defeated as they passed through each aisle. She listened to Harper rattle on about the gossip in the town, humming when a response was required, as she continued her search for the perfect gift.

“It will be a real shame, if Bellamy loses the house.”

Clarke whipped her head towards the girl standing next to her, completely unaware of what she had just let slip, or maybe she figured Clarke already knew. 

“What did you say?” Clarke asked, grabbing her arm in hopes that the answer to her question would change. 

“Shit, you didn’t know, did you?” Harper asked, taking in the shocked expression on Clarke’s face.

“What do you mean ‘if Bellamy loses the house’, is there a chance that he could lose it?” Clarke questioned again, needing clarification on her statement.

“I’ve heard rumors that the farm isn’t doing well and that he’s behind,” Harper explained. “At least that is what Octavia said, when I asked why she was renting out her room.”

Clarke just stared at Harper, in disbelief, as the news settled like a rock in the pit of her stomach. She was finding it harder to breathe as she thought over the last month or so, with Bellamy. He never acted as though anything was wrong, but the more she thought about it, there was a notice on his desk. She had dismissed it as old mail, considering the amount of envelopes, piled underneath it. Clarke felt like the walls were closing in on her all at once and she needed to get out of the store. She took off for the outside,ignoring Harper calling after her. She rushed through the door, out into the fresh air, taking a deep breath. 

Clarke took a moment to get her breathing under control, before shoving her hands in her pockets and tearing down the street. She felt as if she had been sucker punched by the news she had unwittingly found out, in her search for the perfect gift for him. She pulled her phone from her pocket to text Bellamy, that she was done, when an idea struck her. She googled for the nearest library, finding it was close, she took off running. Clarke just prayed she made it there in time to do what she needed to do.

* * *

Bellamy kept looking at his phone, waiting for a message from Clarke saying that she was done shopping. He was getting ready to close for the night and she still hadn’t sent him anything. He was starting to get worried that something had happened to her or that she was lost with a dead phone. He turned at the sound of footsteps coming closer and found Miller’s grinning face staring at him.

“What’s so funny?” Bellamy asked, checking his phone again.

“Dude, last time you checked your phone like that, O was at prom.”

“I haven’t heard from Clarke and I’m concerned. I dropped her off in town this morning and I haven’t heard from her since.”

“The girl who is renting O’s room?”

“Yes, that would be Clarke, by the way did you get that thing I asked you for?”

“Yeah, I got it,” Miller said handing him the tiny box. “But, uh, is she about 5’5” and blonde?”

Bellamy didn’t respond as he turned around, finding the object of his worry, walking toward them. He let out a sigh of relief, watching her come closer to them, but he wasn’t sure why she had texted him to pick her up.

“Everything okay?” He asked grabbing for her hand.

“Yeah, I’m good, I may have just underestimated the length of the walk” Clarke said with a soft smile. “Is this Miller?”

“Oh, yeah, Clarke this is Miller, Miller this is Clarke,” Bellamy said motioning between the two of them. 

“Nice to finally meet you, Clarke,” Miller said grinning at her. “How is Colorado treating you?”

“Same to you, Miller,” Clarke said as a blush creeped across her cheeks as she looked at Bellamy. “And I think I’m going to love it here.”

“Good, cause I don’t think that I have ever seen Bellamy this happy in a long time--,”

“Miller!” Bellamy growled cutting off the rest of his friend’s statement. “Ignore him he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

“I don’t know, man, as your best friend I think I know,” Miller stated winking at Clarke. “Don’t let him fool you...I know everything.”

“Alright, let’s go, Clarke,” Bellamy said ushering her towards the truck. “Merry Christmas, Miller!”

“Oh I like him,” Clarke said with a laugh. “Merry Christmas!”

Bellamy just shook his head, guiding Clarke away from his best friend and towards his truck. He grabbed her hand as soon as they got into the truck. He didn’t realize just how much he missed the feel of her fingers intertwined with his own. 

“How was your time in town?” Bellamy asked making conversation. 

“Found out some interesting things and I'm hopeful that I found you the perfect gift.”

“You didn’t have to get me anything, Clarke,” He said slightly appalled at her statement. “You’re already paying a ridiculous amount in rent.”

“I am not and yes I did,” Clarke said squeezing his hand gently. “Now you’re just going to have to accept it, okay?”

“Fine,” Bellamy agreed, reluctantly squeezing her hand back. “Good thing I got you one too.” 

He watched out of the corner of his eye as a small smile graced her lips. God, he couldn’t wait to kiss those lips again! Bellamy stopped to grab something for dinner which they ate on the way home. He could feel his heart rate starting to pick up the closer they got to the house, as nerves started to kick in. While they had woke up together, it didn’t mean they would end that way.

Bellamy got out of the truck, walking around to the passenger side of the truck as Clarke climbed out. He reached for her, pulling her towards him and crashing his mouth onto hers, pushing her against the passenger door. Bellamy groaned as her hands came up to tangle in his hair, gently scratching at the base of his neck. He pulled back, slightly nipping her bottom lip and nudging her nose with his own.

“Come to bed with me.”

* * *

Clarke woke up to the feeling of sunlight filtering onto her face, but there was something missing. She reached behind her, feeling nothing but cold sheets against the palm of her hand. She quickly sat up, looking around the room for him, but knowing that he wasn’t in the room. Clarke picked up his shirt and boxers from the floor, slipping into them, before making her way to the living room. She found him sitting in front of a fire, reading the newspaper and sipping on coffee.

“Please tell me there is more,” Clarke said coming to sit next to him, sighing as he handed her a steaming cup of coffee. “Good morning, Bellamy.”

“Good morning, Princess.”

“What are you doing up so early?” She asked as she sipped her coffee, feeling its warmth flow through her body. “And what is your obsession with calling me princess?”

“Christmas Eve dinner is something that can’t just be thrown together. Your hair is the same shade as Rapunzel’s and you remind me of a princess”

“How do you know about Rapunzel and the color of her hair?”

“She was Octavia’s favorite Disney princess,” Bellamy said before leaning over to kiss the top of her head. “I can stop if you want me to.”

“No, please don’t,” Clarke whispered leaning into him. “But please do tell me what’s for dinner.”

“Prime rib roast, rosemary roasted potatoes, and candied carrots.”

“You are too good to me. I swear I’ve gained ten pounds since coming here to live,” Clarke said curling her legs under her and tucking herself into his side.

“I doubt that one, but if you did, you would still be perfect.”

Clarke felt the need to hide her face, behind the cup in her hand, as she felt her entire body flush a deep red. She peeked over the rim of her cup to see if he noticed the blush traveling all over her and judging by the look in his eyes, he didn’t miss anything.

“Are you wearing my clothes?”

Clarke simply nodded, not trusting her voice with the way that he was looking at her. She moved her coffee cup from her face and set it on the table watching as he did the same. Clarke felt her heart rate pick up as he leaned over her with mischief dancing in his eyes. She was anticipating his lips meeting hers, but was shocked when started tickling her.

“Bellamy!” She screeched as she attempted to wiggle away from his tormenting finger tips. “C’mon...noooo...too much,” Clarke said between giggles as he continued to be relentless in tickling her sides. 

Clarke managed to slide off of the couch to the floor, before she took off running away. She laughed through the house as he chased her back into his bedroom and she managed to get the bed between them.

“Nowhere to go now, Princess,” Bellamy said, coming closer to the edge of the bed directly across from her. 

Clarke smiled, knowing there was something she could do to distract him from his mission to tickle her. She climbed onto the bed, smirking as she gripped the hem of his shirt and pulled it over her head. Clarke watched the smile disappear from his face and the look of pure lust replace it. 

“Fuck, Clarke,” Bellamy growled as he joined her on the bed. “You don’t play fair.”

Clarke shivered as his hand came up to caress her face, pushing a few errant strands out of her eyes. She closed her eyes as she leaned up to kiss him, tasting the bitterness of the black coffee he was drinking. Her heart was soaring and the words she desperately wanted to say were trapped in her throat as though her mind locked them away. Clarke could feel the difference in every touch and caress they shared. She didn’t realize how far she had fallen, until this moment when her heart wanted what her mind wouldn’t accept. She laid her head on his chest, listening as his breathing evened out and she felt safe to whisper the words to him.

“I love you.”

* * *

Bellamy felt something tickling his nose, as he woke up to see Clarke sprawled across his chest and her hair in a disheveled mess. He leaned down to kiss the top of her head as he started tracing the edge of her shoulder. Bellamy lifted his arm to take a look at his watch to see how long they had been sleeping. He cursed under his breath as he attempted to get out of bed again without waking Clarke. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep but he couldn’t resist the woman laying in his bed. 

Bellamy raced to the kitchen to start the finishing touches on dinner and make sure that he didn’t burn the roast while he had slept the day away. He turned the radio on to entertain himself while he worked on the potatoes. He finished them quickly, placing them in the oven, when he felt hands slide around his waist, hugging him from behind.

“Listen, we already almost ruined dinner,” he said as he turned around in her arms. “No more distractions.”

“You started it last time, I just finished it,” Clarke stated as she kissed the center of his chest. “How much longer until dinner?”

“I would say about an hour or so” Bellamy said as he looked at his watch again. “What do you wanna do until it’s done?”

“How good are you at chess?” 

“Don’t cry when I beat you.” Bellamy teased her, making his way over to the bookshelf and pulling his chess set down. He walked over to the table and started setting up the game board. “ Ready?”

Bellamy starred in complete shock at the board as he lost for the third time in a row. He couldn’t remember the last time that he had been beat at the game. He looked up at her grinning face, knowing that she only had one more move before checkmate. He wasn’t even trying to go easy on her to let her win in a flirty way. She just continuously kicked his ass.

“Alright, mercy!” Bellamy said laying his king down on the board. “I think dinner is done.”

“You just don’t want to lose again,” Clarke said laughing as she started picking up the pieces. “I mean I think three times is bad enough.”

“C’mon, if you set the table, I will dish up dinner.”

Bellamy went into the kitchen and put their plates together, plating them in a way that rivaled what he had seen on the Food Network. He carried them into the dinning room and smiled at the sight before him. Clarke had arranged the table, much like he had the night before. She had added a few more candles and turned the lights off. He loved the way the candlelight danced against her golden skin and turning her hair into golden curls.

“You look absolutely stunning, Clarke.” Bellamy said setting the dishes down on the table and taking the seat across from her and continued to admire the blush that was starting to become a regular thing. 

“When did you want to exchange gifts?” Clarke asked before taking the first bite of dinner, letting a small moan of appreciation slip past her lips. “Bellamy, this is to die for.”

“Who says that I got you anything?” He asked raising one eyebrow as he looked at her. “I mean we never said anything about getting gifts.”

“Says the small box under the tree with my name on it.” 

“Spoil sport! I can’t believe that you actually looked!” Bellamy complained tossing a carrot across the table at her.

“Hey! Good boys who want their presents don’t throw food.” Clarke admonished with an attempt at a stern look. “I think we should wait until tomorrow.”

“Then, tomorrow it is as long as you don’t do anymore snooping,” Bellamy agreed finishing up the rest of his plate. “What do you want to do after we clean up?”

“Hmm, there is this one thing that I wanted to try, but only if you’re up for it.”

“Anything as long as I’m with you.” He said with a wink as he got up to clear the plates.

Bellamy found himself sitting down in front of the Christmas tree with the small box that contained her gift in his hands. He didn’t know what he was imagining when she had posed the challenge, but this was the furthest thing from his mind. Bellamy wasn’t sure how long he had been sitting while she drew him, but he was enjoying the unrestricted view of her face in the firelight. He watched her concentrate on the sketchpad in front of her until she finally turned it to show him the finished product. 

“Clarke this is stunning” Bellamy said admiring the pencil sketch. “Maybe you should pursue art as a career”

“I’m not that good, Bellamy” Clarke said putting her sketchbook away. “Let’s go to bed...tomorrow’s Christmas!”

Bellamy stood up, looking down at her with a sly smirk as he reached down to grab her hands. He grunted slightly as he tossed her over his shoulder as she squealed in surprise. He quickly made it to his room where he unceremoniously tossed her onto the bed laughing as he followed coming to lay next to her. Bellamy caressed the curve of her face, pushing her hair aside to tuck behind her ear, as he cupped her jaw. He tilted her head up, bringing his lips down to brush lightly against hers, kissing her softly as he whispered from his heart.

“I love you, Clarke.”

* * *

Clarke couldn’t remember the last time that she woke up this early, or giddy, on Christmas morning. She wiggled a little, attempting to untangle her limbs from Bellamy’s still sleeping form. She felt her heart stutter in her chest at the sight of him and she suddenly found it hard to breathe.

Last night, he had told her he loved her and she froze saying nothing in return. Clarke had seen the look of hurt flash in his eyes, before he covered it up like nothing happened. She had wanted to say the words in return, like she had earlier, but they wouldn’t come out. Clarke caressed his cheek, tracing the freckles in a mindless pattern, enjoying the unrestricted access she had to him. She leaned down to press a gentle kiss against his lips as she whispered the response she couldn’t last night. 

“I love you, too.”

“Merry Christmas, Princess.”

Clarke let out a startled gasp, pulling back from him, eyes wide with shock. She had thought he was asleep but he was awake, pretending to be asleep. She narrowed her eyes at him, in an attempt to determine whether or not he had heard her the day before.

“How long have you been awake?” Clarke asked knowing he heard her.

“Since about the time you were hopping around in the bed.”

“I was trying untangle myself from the furnace, that is your body,” Clarke said gently shoving his shoulder before leaning down to give him a quick kiss. “Merry Christmas, Bellamy.”

“Say it again.”

Clarke turned her head away from him, trying to hide her face from eyes that knew too much. She took a deep breath, still unsure of why it was easy to say when he was asleep, but hard when he was awake. Her heart started to pound against her ribcage so hard, she was sure that he could hear it in the silence.

“Merry--,” Clarke started wanting to stall for just a few more moments.

“Not that,” Bellamy said cutting her off before she could finish.

“Bellamy…”

“Don’t do that, Clarke,” Bellamy said tilting her face up to meet his eyes. “Don’t act like you didn’t just say it when you thought I was sleeping.” 

“I love you, Bellamy,” she whispered, gripping the back of his hand that cradled her cheek leaning down to slant her lips over his kissing him deeply. Clarke pulled away slowly as she felt herself smiling stupidly at him. “Now presents!”

“You’re such a child,” Bellamy admonished, pinching her side as she scooted off the bed. 

“I might be a child but you love me,” Clarke said with a wink as she skipped out of the room laughing.

Clarke made it to the tree to retrieve the envelope containing Bellamy’s gift before he walked into the room. She was a mixture of emotions because she didn’t know how he was going to take her gift. She walked over to the couch and sat down watching as he started a fire for them. 

“You want to go first, don’t you?” Bellamy asked, bringing her present over to where she sat on the couch. “You can’t even sit still. You’re practically bouncing in your seat!”

“Maybe I’m just nervous.”

“You have nothing to be nervous about,” Bellamy said, handing her the small present. “I’m sure I will like whatever is in that envelope.”

Clarke held the small box in her hand, admiring the red and white snowflake wrapping paper. She untied the ribbon from around the glossy paper, before slipping her finger under one corner. Clarke gently opened the wrapping paper, pulling the box out and lifted the lid. She had tears in her eyes as she took in the contents of the box. 

“Bellamy, this is perfect,” Clarke said as she pulled the golden ornament out of the box that had a simple crown painted on it with the word _Princess_ underneath and the year on the back. “I love it so much, thank you!”

Clarke carefully set the ornament back into the box, reaching over to place it safely on the table. She turned back toward Bellamy, giving him a hug and handing him the envelope still in her lap. Clarke bit down on her bottom lip as she watched him turn it over in his hands to slide his finger along the corner. She held her breath as he read the contents of the letter that she was able to have drawn up and notarized while she had been at the library. 

“Clarke, uh, what is this?”

“It’s a notarized investment contract from me to you,” Clarke explained.

“I got that, Princess, but what is it for exactly?” Bellamy looked up from the paper he held in his hand. “I don’t understand.”

“I know that you’re behind on the farm, to the point where you were going to lose it. I thought that I could help by investing” Clarke rambled. “So, uh, I went to the library to write the contract and then I had it notarized, allowing you to save this place.” 

“You went through my office?” Bellamy growled, face red, anger coloring his voice. “Who gave you the right?”

“Bell--”

“No, Clarke, I don’t want your charity or your pity.” Bellamy snapped as he tossed the papers aside, standing up and pacing before her. “No one asked you to do this...why would you do it?”

Clarke felt the panic starting to set in, as his words hit her in the chest, because she hadn’t expected this reaction from him. If she was honest with herself, she hadn’t really thought about the way it would look. Her main priority was to help him keep his home. She could feel the tears brimming at the edges of her eyes threatening to fall almost reminiscent of her first night here. 

“I’m sorry, Bellamy” She choked out swiping at the corners of her eyes. “I didn’t think about the way it would look to you.”

“Look to me?! Like this is okay in any situation? Clarke, I barely know you!” Bellamy roared, running his fingers through his hair. “Why did you even need to rent a room if you have enough money to invest in a failing Christmas tree farm?”

Clarke stood up, shaking, as the conflicting emotions of anger and heartache coursed through her veins. She couldn’t believe the words that he was just about screaming at her, when less than an hour prior, they had whispered ‘I love you’ to each other. She took a step towards him, making him look her in the eye, before she responded to his words

“Fuck you, Bellamy. Fuck you and your damn pride!” Clarke ground out, staring him down and poking his chest to punctuate each word. “You know the funny thing is,” she said, laughing bitterly.“You know me well enough to love me, but heaven forbid I help the person I love keep his home!”

Clarke didn’t wait for a response from him, before she turned on her heel and fled the room, back to where she hadn’t slept in day. She slammed the door as the tears broke, spilling over the edges of her eyes, as a sob ripped through her. Clarke felt herself begin panicking as she started throwing stuff into a suitcase. She couldn’t stay here any longer. Not with him and not like this. She felt another piece of her heart break as her plans to leave came together. By this time tomorrow she would be gone.

* * *

Bellamy flinched as he heard the door slam, knowing which one she had entered by the vibrations bouncing off the walls. He continued pacing the living room floor, back and forth, wearing a hole into the hardwood. He kept replaying the morning over and over again, like a broken record, trying to determine where everything had fell apart. He felt the vibrations of his phone and answered without looking to see who was calling.

“What?!” 

“Well, Merry Christmas to you too, big brother!” Octavia said with laughter in her voice at his distressed tone. “Looks like someone is grumpy.”

“Sorry, O. Merry Christmas.” He apologized, sighing heavily as he sat back down. “How is wherever you are spending Christmas?”

“Bell, what’s wrong?” 

“I don’t want to talk about it right now, O.” Bellamy wanted to avoid the truth for a little while longer. “Tell me about where you are.”

Bellamy listened to his sister describe the tropical paradise she had found herself in for Christmas. He loved getting to hear about all the things she was doing, since leaving home, but it didn’t stop him from missing her.

“Now tell me, what’s wrong?”

Bellamy let out a deep breath, knowing his sister wasn’t going to let this go until she found out the truth. He just didn’t know how to tell her that he fell in love with his roommate, but now he screwed it all up. 

“Is it your roommate?”

Bellamy tore a hand through his hair and tried to think of a way to explain. “It’s complicated, O,” He said as a way to deflect her inquisition. 

“Bellamy, talk to me.”

Bellamy took a deep breath to steady his mind before he told her everything. When he got to the events of the morning, he stopped short of the whole story. He didn’t want to relive their fight. 

“Bell, what aren’t you telling me?”

Bellamy closed his eyes, tightly pinching the bridge of his nose. He should’ve known that she would catch onto him leaving something out. 

“She gave me an investment contract for the farm.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that she wants to invest in it,” Bellamy explained. “It means that I could bring everything current and not lose the only place we’ve called home.”

“And you let your pride get the better of you, didn’t you?”

“O, like I said it’s complicated,” Bellamy reiterated hoping she would understand. “Why did she even rent the room if she could invest enough to save this farm?”

“Stop, Bell, it’s not complicated,” Octavia admonished. “Stop being prideful. Stop overthinking everything. Stop making issues where there isn’t. Stop being an idiot.”

“Octavia, I can’t accept this from her!”

“If you won’t accept this from her, then you don’t really love her,” Octavia spoke softly. “More importantly, if you can’t, then you don’t deserve her.”

“I’ve gotta go, O, Merry Christmas.” 

“Merry Christmas, Bell, stop being stupid.”

Bellamy hung up the phone, contemplating throwing it in the fire that burned in front of him. He kept replaying the last few hours, over and over, on a never ending loop. Bellamy sat on the couch, thinking about everything and coming up with nothing. He didn’t know how much time had passed, but the fire had died down and Clarke had never emerged from her room. 

Bellamy sighed heavily as he got up from the couch and padded down the hall to her door. He listened for a moment before he knocked gently, hoping she would answer the door, even if only to just yell at him some more. Bellamy waited for another moment before knocking on the door again. Still nothing. He leaned against the hardwood door, unsure of what to say to get her to come out.

“Clarke, _please!_ ” 

Bellamy stood there for another moment or so, waiting, before he realized that she wasn’t going to open the door. He took a deep breath as he pushed off of the door walking away to his room. Bellamy would give her the night to cool off and then he would do whatever he needed to do to get her to listen to him. He would beg, if that is what it came to, but he didn’t want to lose her. There was a sinking feeling in his stomach that told him he already had.

* * *

Clarke sat there on the edge of the bed, tempted to go after him to hear what he had to say, but something in her made her stay still. She checked the time on her phone, not realizing how late it had gotten, and knew she needed to get some sleep. Clarke had already sent Raven her flight information so she could meet her at the airport. She had just settled into bed when her phone lit up with a telephone call.

“Whatever he did, I will kill him.”

“Raven…” Clarke choked out as a new wave of tears started to fall down her cheeks. “I never should’ve came here.”

“Tell me what happened!”

Clarke let out a shaky breath as she replayed the entire morning’s events that had brought her to this point. She only lost it at a few points when she couldn’t get the words past the lump in her throat. Raven had waited patiently for her to finish before telling her exactly what she thought about the problem.

“Clarke, I love you, but what the hell were you thinking?”

“What do you mean?” Clarke returned, her tone defensive at her friends question.

“Clarke, you have always come from money and never asked for anything,” Raven took a deep breath, talking softly to her. “I know you meant well, but that was a little over the top.”

“Raven you can’t seriously be taking his side right now.”

“Clarke, I’m not taking any side right now. If you think about it, the gift was a bit presumptuous on your part.”

“It may have been the wrong thing to do, Raven, but he didn’t have to say what he did.” Clarke snapped as she defended herself.

“Clarke, maybe he didn’t mean to say it.”

“I don’t care,” Clarke said as a lump formed in her throat again. “I’m just done.”

“Okay, I’m sorry, I will see you tomorrow at the airport,” Raven said in goodbye.

“Bye, Raven.”

Clarke laid her head down against the coolness of the pillow, letting it bring relief to her warm, splotchy, tear stained face. She took a shuddering breath trying to shut her mind off so that she could get some sleep. Clarke took her phone out and set a couple of alarms for the morning. She would be returning to New York in a few short hours and she would start working on putting her time in Telluride behind her.

* * *

Bellamy woke up the next morning, feeling like he hadn’t slept more than a few minutes here and there. His eyes felt like sandpaper was attached to the lids and his throat was raw as though he had been screaming. Bellamy went out to the kitchen to get some water to drink and felt like something was off. He set the glass on the counter, without taking a drink, and made his way over to Clarke’s room. The door was ajar and his stomach dropped. Bellamy pushed the door open, confirming his worst fear had come true, everything was empty and she was gone. He looked around the room for something, anything to say where she had gone, and that’s when he found the envelope. He ripped it open, letting the envelope fall to the floor and quickly scanned the letter.

_Dear Bellamy,_

_I’m sorry for everything that has happened. It was never my intention to hurt you or make you feel less than anything. I think it’s best for me to return to New York. By the time that you get this I will already be on my way home. I wish you all the best._

_Sincerely,  
Clarke_

Bellamy suddenly found it hard to breathe as the world came crashing down around him. He didn’t think that she would actually run away from him. He thought she might stay mad for a day or two, but that she would come around, so that they could talk. Bellamy didn’t take any longer to think, before he took off running to his truck. He barely stopped to put his shoes on before taking off again. He pulled his phone out to call the airport to see when her flight was set to leave. He started the truck, punching the gas pedal to the floor, as an agent answered the line.

“Flights to New York, please.”

“There is one flight that leave in about two hours.”

“Thanks.”

Bellamy hung up the phone, tossing it into the passenger seat. He looked at the clock, guessing that as long as he didn’t hit traffic, he would barely make it before they started boarding the plane. Bellamy raced through the quiet streets to make it out to the freeway, that was completely dead, and he thanked whichever deity was looking out for him. He reached over to grab his phone attempting to call her, hoping that she would pick up, but that’s where his luck ran out. He continued the game of calling and hanging up when voicemail answered. 

Bellamy watched the clock count down, feeling the seconds ticking by faster than normal. He pulled into the airport driveway, looking for the markings to take him to the departures area. Bellamy had barely put the truck into park, before he jumped out in the drop off lane, running into the airport. He quickly scanned the listing of flights, looking for the one to New York. He ignored the hollers of the security guard, as he took off towards the gate that was leaving in five minutes.

Bellamy slowed to a walk, when he finally reached the gate she was supposed to be waiting to board the plane at. He felt sick to his stomach as the doors to the plane were closed and he watched it be taxied off to the runway. Bellamy wanted to scream to stop them, but knew that it would only end up in him getting arrested. He turned to walk away, not wanting to watch the plane take her away from him.

Bellamy made his way back to his truck, hoping it was still there after he had just left it running in a place they weren’t supposed to park. He pulled his phone from his pocket to call her one last time. He might not be to tell her in person but he could leave a message for her to get when she landed in New York. 

_Clarke I love you. I’m sorry for everything just, uh, give me a call when you land._

Bellamy hung up the phone, unsure of anything else he could say that would make her come home to him. He made it to his truck, grateful it was still waiting for him. Bellamy climbed into the driver’s seat, before he let his emotions overtake him. He felt the tears coursing down his cheeks and he was powerless to stop them from coming. He took a few minutes to just sit there and cry before he composed himself enough to put the truck into drive and make his way home.

* * *

Clarke could feel her nerves fluttering in her stomach, like she had trapped butterflies in there. She was worried things wouldn’t go as planned, that she was wrong about everything, and there was no fixing this anymore. She looked at her watch, for what felt like the millionth time. She wondered how much longer she should wait when she heard the sound of a truck coming up the driveway. She stood up, feeling the tears starting to pool at the edges of her eyes, shielding them from the sun as the truck came to a stop. 

“Clarke?”

Clarke didn’t even miss a beat as she took off running from the porch towards him. She felt the tears falling down her cheeks before she made it to him, a broken sob ripping from her throat, as she jumped into his arms. Clarke could tell that he was both confused and startled by her presence, but it wasn’t long before she felt his arms come around her and hug her back.

“I couldn’t do it, Bellamy, I couldn’t get on the plane,” she choked out against his shoulder. “I tried to go back to New York but that isn’t my home anymore.”

“Clarke, I thought I lost you.”

“I know I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking when I decided to run,” Clarke rambled off. “But I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t leave you.”

Clarke pulled back from him, far enough to take in his expression. She watched a myriad of emotions flash across his face. However, it was uncertainty that settled on his face as he looked down at her. 

“Clarke…”

Clarke cut him off, pressing her mouth to his, stopping him from saying whatever it was that he was about to. She felt a moment of hesitation, before he was kissing her back. Clarke melted into his arms and tightened her hold around his neck. She never wanted this moment to end, but it did before she was ready. She pulled back slightly, looking into his eyes trying to convey the love that she was feeling with the look in hers. 

“I’m sorry for the way that I reacted to your gift,” Bellamy said, bringing both of his hands up to cup her cheeks. “If you’re still willing, I would love to be your business partner.”

“Bellamy, you don’t have to do that,” Clarke told him. “Again, I wasn’t thinking when I did it.”

“Clarke, what made you do it and how did you do it?”

“My dad set up a trust fund for me to use towards my future.” She explained. “I never saw a future until I found you...Bellamy, you’re my future.”

Clarke watched the look of pure astonishment cross his face, before he crashed his lips to hers, kissing her passionately. She smiled against his lips and suddenly she felt like everything was going to be okay again. Clarke reached up to tangle her fingers in his hair and lightly scrape her nails against the base of his neck. She felt his answering growl to her action. She smiled against his lips, pulling back slightly.

“Let’s go inside before we freeze to death.”

“Whatever you say, Princess.”

* * *

_**One Year Later** _

Bellamy smiled as he placed the final present under the tree without Clarke finding it. He had done everything in his power to keep her from finding that one. He swears that she sniff out her gifts faster than he could find hiding places for them. Bellamy made his way into the kitchen where Clarke and Octavia were baking cookies to decorate later. He had slowly been teaching her how to cook and not burn the house down. 

“Are you two almost done?” Bellamy asked. “I mean, it is Christmas and there are presents to be opened.” He had to duck his head as a towel flew by, almost hitting him.

“We are pulling out the last of the cookies,” Clarke said as she set a pan on the stove. “Now, who is the impatient one?”

Bellamy just laughed, as he walked back into the living room to wait for them. It wasn’t long before both of the girls came skipping into the living room. He reached over to the stack of gifts, grabbing one for each of them and passing them. Bellamy opened his gifts and watched as the piles slowly dwindled down, until there was only one left. He reached out to grab it, handing it over to Clarke as she looked at it suspiciously.

“I don’t remember this one being under the tree earlier.”

“That’s because I hid it from you until the last possible moment,” He said triumphantly. “I swear you are worse than a damn child!”

Bellamy watched her slowly open the gift in front of her, she might be the one that snooped for all of her gifts, but she definitely took her time opening them. He was trying to judge her reaction as she opened the small velvet box.

“Bellamy?” Clarke questioned, looking up at him with tears in her eyes. “What is this?”

Bellamy got up from the couch to sit down next to her, taking the box from her hands. He pulled the simple one carat solitaire princess cut diamond ring from the velvet cushion to hold in his fingers. Bellamy took a deep breath, before he brought his eyes up to her still watery ones to ask her one single question.

“Marry me?”

“Yes, Bellamy, a thousand times yes!”

Bellamy slipped the diamond engagement ring onto her finger, before leaning over to capture her lips with his own. 

“I love you always,” Clarke whispered against his lips.

“And forever.”


End file.
